A Correspondence

Thursday, June 28, 2012 1:20 PM

Hi There, I’m really glad we got a chance to talk yesterday. I know what you’re going through is really hard but I hope you know that I'll be think about you and if there is anything I can do to help just let me know. I love you and I hope we can talk again soon. Love, Me

Friday, June 29, 2012 10:17 PM

Dear Honey,
I'm really glad we got to talk, too. I'm sorry if I dumped on you. I feel as if I am upsetting everyone around me. I wish I were brave and stoic, but I am not. I am distraught and sad beyond belief. Just like I was when I lost my family. But I will pick up the pieces and move on, scarred physically and emotionally. The older I get the more my body looks like a road map. The emotional scars are not as visible, but they are there.

I wish things could be different but they are not. I wish you could be here but you cannot. On the upside (yes, there is an upside) I heard from the real estate agent today and my offer on the house in Orlando was accepted. I will see it in person for the first time when I land in Florida on Monday. Now maybe my dream of having grandma with me in Florida will come true. (Did I say dream or nightmare?) Isn't that crazy? It still has to pass inspection; I need to get a loan and a multitude of intermediate steps until it closes. Once that happens and I move in, then I can make some decisions about my healthcare.

As far as my mood goes, the doctors have me sufficiently drugged, Ativan and Ambien at night and Welbutrin during the day. It’s not a great way to live but it is a way to survive.

If you would really like to help me there are a couple of things you can do. I have an ipod, and an itunes, but have not had the time to make playlists and find music. Can you get into my Itunes? Can you share music with me and give me some pointers? (I do not want you to spend any money!) I also want to start a blog. I should probably ask Sean this, but do you know how to start a blog?

Well, today was my last day at work in the State of Washington. I took my computer and phone to the office and they are going to ship them for me.

Tomorrow I pack the kitchen at the apartment and load my stuff into the storage pods. They delivered 2 of them today and both are sitting in the parking lot

. Well, I'm really tired now and have a big day ahead. So, I'd better say goodnight, honey. I love you and know you are concerned. That means a lot to me.

Love,
Amy

Monday, July 2, 2012 7:48 PM
    

Hey There, So unfortunately I don’t think there is any way we can share music. If you're in the same house as someone… maybe like Tim.. you can do this thing called Home Sharing where  you link up with their itunes and you can take all their music for free that’s the only way I know how to share. If you wanna do it with Tim or Eddie or whatever.. let me know and I'll explain how to do it. And I think starting a blog would be a great idea for you. I’m sure it’s very therapeutic and would be a good way to let everyone know how you’re doing without having to write a hundred emails. I wouldn’t have any idea how to start one so you’ll have to ask SM. Anyway, I hope your move is going well. I think this is actually a really exciting time for you. I know it’s seems stressful now but I think turning over a new leaf is just what you need. I know you’re going to be very busy so I won’t expect to hear from you right away but when you get a chance let me know how the move went and of course tell Tim and Eddie that I say hello :) I love you. Take care. love  Me

Saturday, July 28, 2012 11:42 PM

Hi honey,
Thanks for the nice note. I am finding this blog thing much more time consuming than I imagined. First I had to create the blog, then I have to write it, and then I have to upload pictures. It is coming, but it is going to take awhile. Stay tuned, I'll let you know. Oh, btw-did I tell you I got a car? Yeah, it is a Honda CRV, just what I wanted. It’s really pretty.

Just to bring you up to date on my current situation regarding the move and the whole breast cancer surgery:

Bank of America has pre-approved my loan for my house, but it is not yet final. Due to the economic practices in the past, the lenders have swung 180o the other direction. Every day they are requesting lists of information and documents from me. I have to research and obtain these documents and then fax them to the loan processor. Every week I am in Kinko's faxing and paying for those faxes. It has been an extremely stressful situation. I am almost at my breaking point.

One of the documents they requested was my W2 from 2010. It is in storage in Renton, WA. It took numerous phone calls, and hours of trying over several days to come up with it. They want pay stubs, a letter from my employer, tax returns, proof of insurance, bank statements, canceled rent checks, addendums, etc, etc. I feel like my privacy is being violated.

The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that I am getting close. If everything is satisfactory on Monday morning, and nothing more is required, I am on target to close the deal on August 10. As soon as I take possession of the keys, I will call the storage company and tell them to ship. I estimate I will move in (if all goes according to plan) on the weekend of August 25 & 26.

I plan to schedule my mastectomy as soon as possible after. I plan to have my medical team in place and hospital chosen. I expect to go in the first week of September. That will be 3 1/2 months from the day I was diagnosed. The doctors in Seattle wanted to amputate my breast before I even boarded the plane to leave town! They recommended that I not wait as long as six months; at this rate I have come dangerously close.

I am not worried about the cancer killing me, I wish it would. Unfortunately, that is not an option for me. My biggest concern is that the invasive part of my cancer may have spread to other parts of my body because I have waited. This might require further treatment that I would rather not have.

This deal on this house has to close. And it has to close on time. I have no Plan B. The stress is almost unbearable and I have to endure it alone. I would dearly love to have DM here as soon as possible, but I don't know how long she can put up with me. I will definitely need her to stay at least 2 weeks post surgery to help me with recovery, caring for wounds, medications, appointments, driving, bathing and dressing, laundry and cleaning, shopping and meals, Rufio, etc.

She says she would like to come early and do some fun things. That's fine with me. I envisioned going to the mall; she wants to go to Disney World and Sea World. Those are both very expensive and each would take a full day. I am working, full time, trying to hold down this job so I won't lose my health insurance. I cannot take time off to entertain her.

She needs to understand the purpose of this trip is to help me move and recover from breast cancer surgery. She can come back another time and we can do all the fun stuff. (I hope you will come one day, too!) She needs to understand the seriousness of the situation. I wish you could be here. It is a going to be a lot of responsibility for her. But I understand. You cannot.

I hope she will be here by the middle of August, or the third week of August. Do you think she will come that soon?  She needs to tell her employer.

If she comes the middle of August and stays until the middle of September, that will be four weeks. Do you think she will be willing to come for that long? Will she be OK without her friends?

Let me know what you think. I feel like I am losing my mind and I really need some support. Poor Tim, he is dealing with his own issues. He doesn't need a crazy sister around and he doesn't know what to do with me.

This is probably the worst situation I have ever experienced. I just want to get it over and move on with my miserable life. I think I will cut my hair to about 1 inch in length and stop coloring it. I am going to ditch my lacy thongs and get me some granny panties. It is time for me to act my age, my sex life is done. Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer.

How are you? I hope things are going well for you. Write me a chatty letter, full of fun stories and juicy gossip. Your writing always cheers me up! Say hi to SW, for me! Bye.

Love,
Amy

Hi There,
Sorry I haven’t had a chance to write back. Gotta get to bed now but I'll write soon and I’m looking forward to reading your blog. Talk to you soon :)
Love you, Love, Me

Wednesday, August 8, 2012 7:05 AM

Honey,
How are you? I have not heard from you. Are you busy? Having fun?
I do not know how to get a hold of you. Do you have the same phone#? What is your country code?
I never see you on Skype. Are you having trouble with your Internet again?

I know there is a time difference, but do you want to Skype this weekend? What time?

Hope everything is ok. I had a bad scare this past weekend. I thought my cancer had spread to my lymph nodes and that I had waited too long. I had a really terrible panic attack on Saturday. But I went to an oncologist (a cancer doctor) yesterday and she doesn't seem to think much has changed since Seattle. I go in for a mammogram this morning so we will see.
I can tell you more when we talk. I am finding it hard to keep up the blog.
Well, I have to get up for work now. Hope to hear from you soon

Love,
Amy

Hi There,

Did you not see my last message? I just said sorry I haven’t been in contact this past week. Just been really busy over here but hopefully we can get a chance to talk soon. I'm on break from work right now but I'll message you again later :) Stay strong. I love you.

Love,

Me

Aug 9

Yes, honey,

I got your message over a week ago. I know you are busy working and being with SW

I was hoping to be able to talk with you in person, but I do not know your phone #.

So, I will just tell you. The "Perils of Amy" continue. Things have taken a turn for the worse here. My cancer is growing rapidly and spreading. The house I was hoping to buy, I probably will not get because of demands the bank is making.

To think, that is the reason why I postponed my disfiguring surgery, was for that house! And now I might not get it!

Anyway, I went to the doctors here in Daytona and had more testing done. They recommended amputating my right breast immediately, not to wait, regardless of whether I can find a surgeon to do reconstruction. My worst nightmare has finally come true. I will wake up from anesthesia to the vision of a huge gash and an empty space on my chest. I have given up on the blog. It was taking too much time, I could not keep up.

Anyway, I am taking medication and am in counseling to help me cope with my emotional problems. Tim is beside himself and wants to get rid of me. (Now he may be stuck with me even longer until I can find another place to live, plus he will have to deal with me when I come home from the hospital, poor guy.) I had a terrible panic attack last Saturday and D is afraid to tell her boss that she needs a leave of absence. 

I don't blame you for not wanting to be around. I wouldn't either. But I sure could use some help, just some emotional support would be good. I don't get breast cancer every day. I wish you (and SM.) were here.

And to think I turned my life upside down for my mother! How ironic! She does not even know I have cancer (she is too old and could not do anything, so why worry her?). And she is playing games with me that maybe she won't ever move to Florida. I think she just enjoys torturing me. No, I'm not kidding!

Maybe I should just go back to Seattle and put up with A and his issues. At least he calls every day and says he loves me and misses me. (Funny, he didn't seem to want me when he had me!)

Anyway, it would be nice to have a phone call or a Skype. I would love to hear all about what you are doing. And I promise I won't be depressing (yuck, who wants to listen to that!?!).

Gotta run. Am missing work this morning, because I have another doc's appointment.

I hope you are doing well.

Love you,

Amy

Aug 9

Hi There,

I'm on break again from work but I'll call you when I get home. The problem really is that you are in work when I am able to talk. I have the same problems trying to talk to Christine and Dad (damn 9-5!). Like.. By the time you get off work it's 3 am here and I’m never up that late anymore since I work in the morning. But I'll try to maybe catch you on your break. 

I'm sorry to hear that it's progressing. I know this must be very difficult but you're being very brave. I love you and I'll call you when I get home. :)

love

Me

Thursday, August 23, 2012 6:47 AM

Dear Honey,

I am sorry about our conversation yesterday. It was so sweet of you to call and all I did was upset you.
I am going through a traumatic experience right now and there is nothing anyone can say or do to change that. The best and only thing you or anyone can do is to listen. Let me vent my feelings. It may be hard to hear and it may be irrational at times but it is cathartic to me and part of the grieving process. You can't talk me out of feeling the way I do. When you try it only pisses me off. Being validated is part of healing. I promise I won't always be like this, a screaming, crying manic. Once this is all behind me i will be a new Amy. Pre-cancer Amy is dead and gone. Post- cancer Amy will live on, older but not wiser, scarred physically and emotionally, a victim of my own biology. I will never get over this. I will never be happy about it but it will not color my thoughts every waking moment of the day. The only time I will be reminded is in the morning and at night when I am getting dressed and I look down at my mismatched breasts where my beautiful real ones used to be.
So, please don't worry about me, I will survive and move on. I have no other choice. Please call, Skype, write, come and see me whenever you can. I will try and be in a better mood.
Have fun at the wedding. I wish I could be there to see you and Sean. Have a good time.
Love,
Amy

Sept 5

Hi There,
I'm sorry I haven't been in touch since our last conversation. I was really upset after we last talked because I just felt like I was trying really hard to be positive and be there for you and you just shut me down. It's like anything nice I try to say…You just turn it around into something negative. I think that you really have to change your attitude about this for your sake and for ours. Of course you can't change how you feel but you can change what you say and in time that will help with how you feel. It's just that… it’s impossible to help you if you won't help yourself. I understand that sometimes you just need someone to listen and I'll do my best to do that but I need you to stop sayin things like "lop off my breast" and "deformed." Talking that way just makes it seem that much worse. It's not useful to speak like that. And I bet most breast cancer survivors would be offended by the word deformed bc that's not really how they look after. And i was thinking you would really benefit from getting into contact with some women who have gone through this (if you haven't already)…I’m sure there are groups out there. Then you can see that it's not actually the end of the world, it's just a different breast. Deirdre told me your surgery is scheduled for the 10th. It's great to hear you got it all settled. So I'll call you this weekend. I love you. You're gonna get through this.
Love,

 Me

Dear Honey,

I have no choice.

Love,

Amy

Tim and Eddie

The original plan was that mom was going to move to Florida where Tim owned a house and she could be near him in case she needed help. But then she started to back away because Tim had to travel a great deal for work and might not be there when she needed him.

It just so happens that I sold my house in Issaquah and was living in Kirkland with a roommate. All three of my children were grown and far flung across the world. I was no longer in a relationship; it is in doubt if I ever were. There was absolutely nothing holding me in the State of Washington.

After having been laid off twice from my previous jobs, I was working in a call center as a survivor’s job. The pay was low, the challenge was low, it was a demeaning, menial job that required no more than an 8^th grade education. But, they would allow me to transfer to Florida, no problem. And they had a fairly good health insurance policy, which was important to me because of my age.

I had never, ever, in my wildest dreams ever wanted to move to Florida, but my mom already said she would. She wanted to get out of the harsh winters in the Northwest. I had asked her to move to Seattle many times, but she always refused. So, to give her the security she needed, I agreed to pull up my roots of 20 years and leave everything and everything I knew and loved and said I would move to Florida, too. Now, she would have no excuse.

Another plus in favor of me moving to Florida was the real estate market. I could, never, ever afford to buy a piece of property in Washington or even rent without a roommate. The cost of living in Washington is about 3 x that of Florida.

I contacted a real estate agent, applied for pre-approval on a loan, and set a target date. I was on my way to Florida. I bought an airline ticket for July 2^nd, gave notice at my apartment when we would be leaving, and gave notice to my employer as to when I would be moving.

I found a house on the internet, placed a bid on it, and it was accepted. It was supposed to close on August 10^th….

Everything was going according to plan. Tim and Eddie have a beautiful old house, which they have completely renovated in Daytona Beach. They generously offered me his home office so I could continue to work and a bedroom. This way there would be no need to rent or sign a lease. I was so grateful, they were so kind and gracious hosts. They helped me find a phone, a car, learn my way around town, cooked wonderful meals and introduced me to their friends. I was so happy and grateful.

When I first got there, Eddie jokingly said that guests can only stay 2 months, and then he giggled. I offered to pay rent, but they refused. I offered 2 more times, once when Eddie was not there, and Tim refused. And once I wrote him a check, which he refused. I tried my hardest not to get in the way. I tried to give them their privacy and spent most of my time either working in the loft, or sleeping in my room. I did not spread my junk around and picked up after Rufio. I ran the vacuum every week and did the dishes after dinner. I tried to act like the best housemate around and not a guest. I paid for all the food I ate and did my own laundry.

But then two weeks before I left Seattle, I found out I had breast cancer. I told Tim immediately before I arrived. And then my panic attacks started and when I got there I was crying all the time. Tim got really angry with me. He said, “I don’t know how Ali puts up with this, but I won’t!” I guess he thought it was all an act. I never asked him for anything, not money or anything, but I did ask him to help me find a doctor, which he did the following day. I tried really hard to keep myself under control. I cried into my pillow, or in my car, or on the beach during my morning walks, so I would not disturb him.

But Tim had his own issues to deal with, his company had folded and he was diligently looking for a job. He spent all day on his computer filling out 100’s of applications. He made several trips to New York for job interviews.

He asked me repeatedly when the house was going to close. I did not know. Obstacles kept arising and the date kept moving. Finally, I was afraid to tell him, I did not know.

One thing I did know was that my breast cancer was growing and spreading. If I did not get this house, I still had to have my breast removed. I did not know if I should go to some local hospital in Daytona or make the drive to Orlando.

Here is how our correspondence went after that:

Aug 24th

Its confirmed. Surgery is on the 10th. (Amy)

Aug 26

Amy, thanks for the offer of the ride but I have that covered.

I spoke to Beth and Meg yesterday to let them know about your situation.  Considering that these problems may run in the family, it's only right to let them know.  They are both very supportive and ... Yes... They BOTH send all their love...kind of a surprise.(Tim)

Wow, what do you know!?! (Amy)

I will be talking to Mom this afternoon.  In light of how things have been going and the fact that she has been making some plans, she also has a right to know what's going on.  Obviously, I think it would be wrong to put demands on her but ... We will see what she has to say.  This whole situation is far too much to lay on me and it's not right for me to put more on Eddie. 

I am also concerned that if the current house deal does not go through, you may not be in a position to start a fresh mortgage app for a new house if they check recent pays stubs your medical leave may show up.  An apartment in Orlando may be the only way to get you where you want to be.

I hope the closing can happen this time.. It would solve a lot of issues and clear the decks for your treatment ahead (Tim)

I don't know how to respond to this...except to be supportive and take things a day at a time; sometimes an hour at a time; things mysteriously have worked its way through, and as my friend Beng says, we all go through situations; and before u know it, it's over- job hunt's finished; work is resumed or it's time to move ahead; treatment's over;  orchid alley done;  any goings on done for the time being, and so on and so forth;  let us live for the moment and enjoy life as it's ways and means head our way, negative and positive..(Eddie)

I will know for sure by mid-week if the house deal will go through this time. I will talk to Bryce on Monday to get a date and then I will let you know. If it goes through I estimate I could be out of your hair by the 4th. If it is not going to close this time I have told Bryce I am done. I will walk away and get an apartment. Either way you will have your space back, one way or the other.

I'm sorry I cut you out of the loop and did not communicate better. I could blame it on the depression and say it made me feel isolated. Or I could say I was just afraid to tell you bad news. The truth is, it was rude and it was wrong of me.

I could have done things differently and better but sometimes the sadness just overwhelmed me. If you ever want to know anything just ask. I will be honest with you.

But now it is too late and I have imposed on your generosity enough. I am on my own now, a single woman with no partner. But I am an adult and capable of making decisions even without the support of loved ones. I will figure this out. I will work it out one way or the other. Someday this will all be behind us. It is tough but I can do it. I have no other choice. And who knows maybe I will get mom out of Medford close to where I live in Florida. To take care of her in her last days would give purpose to my life; a reason to live. And isn't taking care of mom what started us on this adventure in the first place?

Thank you for your generosity and hospitality. I never expected it to go on this long. I am very grateful to you and Eddie for having put up with me these past two months. You really made me feel welcome. But like you say enough is enough. I am really sorry I stressed you out especially in your current situation. I know. I have been there. Twice.

I will let you know what Bryce says as soon as I hear anything. Thank you again for your kindness.(Amy)

Amy, believe it or not, your sisters are concerned and want to lend you moral support.  Although Mom is naturally concerned, she did not freak out and I think she is expecting your call today... Please call her.  We are so lucky to have her.  Beth realizes that with the unhappiness that has passed it would be hard to do anything that might bring comfort but I think in her own way she cares and regrets the alienation. 

I honestly feel I'm acting more as a father here than a brother.  I may not be very capable in that role.  It may seem I'm being harsh but I'm very concerned that you will be overtaken by self-pity and, frankly, I have better hopes and expectations for you. I really will not stand by and let you become crazy "Aunt Sadie" who lives in the attic.... I want to see you back on your feet , being the feisty, independent woman we all know you to be.

If my own struggle to move beyond drugs and depression can give you any hope, I can share that in spite of the bleakness of the moment, a new life will come.(Tim)

LOL! Crazy Aunt Sadie who lives in the attic!?! Do you really think that could possibly be me? Ever!?! Ha-ha that's funny. If you are serious, then you don't know me very well. I am currently facing 6 of the major stressors in anyone's life, simultaneously. The breakup of a long term relationship, dealing with an intransigent elderly parent, relocating to a new culture and making a major financial purchase. Oh, and facing a life threatening disease and disfiguring surgery. It would INSANE not to experience depression and anxiety under these circumstances!

I should be commended for how I have dealt with it. I have researched possible solutions, reached out to resources, sought and obtained help and done without any moral or emotional support. I am taking care of myself and doing what I need to do to solve the issues I face. These are highly stressful times a difficult decisions I need to make. If I break out in tears occasionally that doesn't make me "Crazy Aunt Sadie", that makes me normal and human.

You know perfectly well I am a survivor. You can bend me but you can't break me. I survived the death of our father; I survived the death of my marriage. I year from now I will look back on this difficult time. I will still be standing on my own two feet, an older, sadder, but no wiser woman, scarred emotionally and physically. But to compare me to "Crazy Aunt Sadie", that is laughable.

As far as Meg and Beth are concerned there is nothing they can say to change the situation. Unless they want to come and help me unload the storage containers when they arrive and help me clean, unpack and put away. I will be physically unable to do any of these things having just come out of two major surgeries. Otherwise, their kind thoughts are appreciated but don't help much.

I am a little surprised that you took it upon yourself to tell mom. I asked for your opinion the other day as to when I should tell her and your reply was, "You'll know when the time is right." I guess that decision has been taken off my shoulders. I was going to tell her after it was all over so she wouldn't worry. You know what a worrier she is. She also might use it as an excuse not to come "Oh, Amy is sick and needs time to recover." And in fact there is nothing she can do to help. She can barely take care of herself. I don't know what I'm going to say to her when I call now...(Amy)

She stills plans to come in November.  She is your mother and is not looking for an explanation... Try listening to what she has to say...(Tim)

Ok, whatever... I still think she'll be pissed off at me for not telling first myself (Amy)

August 31

Sorry not to get back to you sooner on your note...it's been hectic with all I've been doing here. 

Well, I agree it's a good idea to have contingency plans in any case... we never know what may happen with the house deal.

But even if it is delayed beyond 9/5 -- as long as it is still moving forward -- the best is to let it move forward, hopefully to an eventual closing  However, since it's impossible to know if it may fall through, it would be for the best to be ready to move forward with a plan B.

If it becomes clear that the closing will never happen, then a rental will be the only way to get a place for you in Orlando. I wouild suggest online searches beginning with Sanford, Altamonte, Longwood, Apopka and Casselberry. That would put you in the general area you prefer. I did a quick look and fouind that one-BRs start in the 600s to 900s.  Here's the website:

http://www.apartmentguide.com/apartments/Florida/Sanford/.  You really don't need more at this time.

I don't recall how many BR sets you have in storage but it occurred to me if you got a place in Orlando we could buy a BR set that you could later use in your guest BR or for Mom.. Also, I spoke with Angeles this week and she might be able to refer a housekeeper to us for your convalesence -- the lady live in the Orlando area, so it would only help if you have a place there. Of course, I can lend you an air matress, but I think it would be better to get a real bed.  When you get to the point of shipping your furniture to Orlando, I can ask Gabriel to help you unpack boxes.

If it turns out that Orlando just doesn't pan out, perhaps we should forget about it.  Afterall, Mom and I pulled back from that deal in Pelican Bay because you objected so if Orlando is no longer in the picture we can go back to the properties Mom liked in Pelican Bay. I can call Nadine or Julie to start looking for places in DAB again. I am still getting Nadine's mailings. Mom mentioned that maybe the vila or condo idea isn't so bad afterall. 

Please keep me posted on how things are going... I will see you on 9/4 or 9/5. (Tim)         

Sept. 1

Hi, please take a moment to review my email from yesterday as we need to Move forward on these issues.

I have accepted a position in New York and would like to start this job with matters in Florida resolved.  I will be returning to NY on 9/12.

I expect by 9/7 you will no longer be using the loft and Eddies brother will be moving in and has asked us to stay there.  Eddie will be returning to Daytona for the last week or two of September so he and Edwin can continue the projects underway.  Edwin is arriving on 9/7.

You mentioned flying a friend from Seattle.  Whoever this person may be will need lodgings somewhere other than our home as we Are not willing to host strangers and under no circumstances would we consider allowing Ali under our roof.

We are trying to be helpful but we need you to respect the fact that Eddie and I are also dealing with difficulties we are trying to overcome at this time.

I would appreciate an acknowledgement of this message.(Tim)

Yes

I get the message (Amy)

Sept  3

Thought I might have heard from you by now, so how’s everything? (Tim)

I got your message. (Amy)

I know that. What steps, if any, have you taken? (Tim)

I will be out. (Amy)

On Wednesday, August 24, two weeks before my first surgery, Tim and Eddie sat me down at the dining room table and told me I had to be out by the 2^nd of September, whether the house closed or not. At that point, I was hoping that it would close on the 5^th, but the Labor Day holiday prevented that from happening. It actually took another week, and I was having surgery on the 10^th. None of that seemed to matter to them, my health, mental or physical, my financial situation, my stress. Where was I going to find another place to live in two weeks? What would it be? An apartment, a motel, corporate housing? If only I could stay one more week until the 7^th, then I could work that one last week. But that was not to be.

I got on the internet and looked for corporate housing. I contacted my real estate agent and he gave me a lead. I went on Craig’s list and looked for apartments. Deirdre and I looked at one place. It was in an apartment complex but it was reserved for corporate housing. It could have worked. The next place, was kind of dirty, smelly and “scary” according to Deirdre. And there was a tear in the bedspread. Most of the apartments I spoke to required a 6 month lease. That would not work if the house were to close the following week. We gave up that weekend.

The next weekend, Sept. 3 I got up early and looked at extended stay motels. I found one in Lake Mary, close to the house and the hospital. I took it sight unseen. We spent the entire day cleaning Tim’s house from top to bottom. (He and Eddie were in New York). We did all the sheets and towels, kitchen, dishes, floors and made the bathroom sparkle. I even left him a birthday present.

I packed up all my work equipment, computer, monitor, phone, everything and left the loft just the way I found it. We piled everything in the car, including Rufio and drove to the motel and moved in that night.

Unfortunately, it does not have two bedrooms. Deirdre is nocturnal and I am not.

So, I have to tiptoe around in the morning and she has to tiptoe around at night. It has a small efficiency kitchen so we can cook in the room. It is clean, comfortable, modest, plain. Not a lot of fancy amenities, a small workout room and a pool.

But most importantly I had a bed to come back to after both my surgeries. Deirdre has been my little nurse and my angel.

Unfortunately, because of Tim, I lost a week of work. The motel only had WiFi and my work computer requires to be hardwired. I can’t wait to get back to work and

start getting a paycheck again.

I don’t understand Tim and why he kicked me out on the eve of a life threatening, life altering, and disfiguring surgery. Tim, if you ever read this, and I doubt you will, I promise, I will never do that to you. If you came to me and told me you had testicular cancer or prostate cancer and needed a place to stay, I would make room for you and you could stay as long as you need to. I promise.

Flowers from my family and friends

Thank you, Ali Farman

Thank you, Deirdre!

Thank you, Faye!

Thank you, Faye!

Thank you, Faye!

Thank you, Deirdre!

Thanks, Deirdre!